January 2011 has been nothing but trouble so far. As I was running long this weekend I was thinking about how I feel that my blog messages should always have to have a silver lining. Maybe this one will, but we'll see how it goes.
1. Diabetes Sucks: I don't care how you look at it, there is nothing positive about chronic lows during runs, 300+ days when you can't move or have to go home from work early, passive endocrinologists who are not interested in their Type 1 patients. I hate it.
2. Life Can Suck. I am currently pretty directionless--there are no clear paths for me right now. I don't know if I can afford to stay in Hawaii over the long term and need to make decisions as a result of that. I have had the experience in 2011 to cry myself to sleep as a result of life's disappointments. I haven't done that in a very long time and don't care to repeat it.
3. Ironman. Not finishing Ironman Western Australia in 2009 has really set me back mentally. I am scared to even start Ironman St. George. I do not want to see another finish line that I might not cross. I do not want to put the emotion, time, and work into something that I might fail at.
What's next? I don't know. I hope that things get better. Heck, it's only January. I am getting the opportunity to travel next month for work (...in the middle of training for an Ironman). I am applying for new jobs in new cities in order to find new direction. Maybe it will work, maybe it will not. My friend told me this morning that you cannot claim defeat until you have really tried. Since it is only January, I am not claiming defeat since I am still trying.
Next week, Carlsbad with the Insulindependence crew!